Déjà vu?

I feel slightly like I am back in the same place I was about a year or two ago. I have this incredible sense of adventure.. I also feel like I am forced to decide among many uncertain choices that will shape my life for a while. Obviously college is a butt no matter what, especially the financial aspect of things. I am not one for taking loans, and it seems that's the way things go these days.

One of the other concerns I have is the lack of guidance. I didn't get the 'pick your classes' experience that they give in high school, so I am still expecting to see a pretty well defined path to take, but it's like everyone wants to pass the buck and not make an executive decision for me. I enjoy having options, but sometimes it's just much easier to say 'yes sir' and go to class. I'm sure if I understood the system it wouldn't be so hard. And I'm sure the system isn't all that complicated. This is what happens when you have someone willing to learn but no one to lead.

And don't take any of this as blowing off your ideas if you've ever advised me. I just want to see all the options, not just the ones you have experience with.

You could say I am uncomfortable, and when I am uncomfortable, I typically dive right in and try to get as involved as possible so I can be comfortable. It didn't work with the college thing, and now I feel like an idiot, and am still uncomfortable with it. *INAPPROPRIATE MOMENT ALERT* It's like having sex for the first time and getting it wrong. Only one person knows it didn't work, and you don't feel successful at all. For a man, thats a blow to the nads.

I have the opportunity to attend Pensacola Christian College this fall and next spring. I might capitalize on that offer. I could use the distance from what I know; from what I've known since birth. I talked with Jackson V the other day and he was such an inspiration to my desires to not stay home forever. I mentioned how I am a home-body, and he replied, "So was I, until I left." I look forward to actually getting away for a while. I haven't been many miles from home for more than a day in over 3 years. That says to me, "Get out, you buffoon." Thanks, Jack :)

Real, broken *yeah* Rendered useless *yeah*

I recently discovered some very cool things were possible with my phone. And the internet.

Google has all kinds of things set up for usage in multiple places (just see their list of apps). I think it is absolutely wonderful. The current amazement I am held to is the calendar. I now have it set up to sync my calendar on my phone with the calendar on the internet (which is tied to my email account on gmail) so that if I add an event or function to my calendar in either place, I can see it in either place almost instantly. So fun..
The other thing that sparked my interest (a while ago) was the online office tools (Google Documents). That is set up so that I can create pretty much anything I can think of that deals with word and data processing, then access that from any computer. Pure awesomeness.

So I for real have some insane bug bites on my legs. More like ankles. At first I was thinking they came from playing volleyball (I mean who wouldn't; they showed up the morning after playing) but when I found out that most everyone there was playing without socks, and I had on socks and long pants, it seemed less likely. Lo and behold, my dad also has the same bugs. I look back on my life in the past few days (/life-review) and think of all the times I was with my dad that could have possibly ended with small insect-like vermin deposited on my ankles. We concluded it came from the area where we put in the new signs at Eastover (I seriously took 10 minutes out of my kitchen job that day to hold some wood while he put in screws, and I get mug-a-bugs) They itch like a mother.

I had gone to the church tonight to play some drums, not really sure if anyone would be there, but thought I would see before coming to the Center for a bit of work and blogging. Shortly after playing, the pastor and wife enter to pray for a while. So I was like, "Theres my ride" and took the stools with me (yeah.. we left those 4 stools from the Center at the church for a week)

I put my music mix on the 'rock' genre and wanted to hear some old Showbread. That CD was actually pretty good. So mid-everything, I go to make a cream soda and then it happened (OMG!!) Naw but, I did make a huge mess. I've been wondering about the Half-and-Half-mixing-with-seltzer-water-and-ice thing for a while. It seems that the 1/2 and 1/2 separates, which looks funny if you are drinking from a clear glass (which I do to save on the cups) The actual quality and flavor don't change one bit. So this is just one of my many experimental things, seeing if the order in which things are added to the drink affects the outcome of the 1/2 and 1/2. I add the syrup, one ice cube (I'm not one for much ice..) and the seltzer (I don't think we officially call it seltzer, but 'club soda' sounds dumber, cause only people in the 'Club for Idiots' would drink plain club soda..) Once the fizz settled a bit, I added the 1/2 and 1/2 (that I had shaken slightly [another measure taken in my experiment tonight]) and everything seemed fine. I turned around to put everything away, and when I looked back upon my masterpiece, it had erupted everywhere like diet coke and Mentos, or baking soda and vinegar. Talk about irritating..

Sometimes being the best just happens

We get so many compliments at Eastover during the meal times. And no joke, we run everywhere like crazy during the serving time (well, those who aren't serving are running) to make sure that every thing that is needed is taken care of. And it really does pay off. The group that was here this week left a letter of gratitude along with tons of people wanting to come back next year. Thousands of times this week I would here "Thank you so much! You guys are amazing" and it really does make you feel good. I can't really imagine it from their point of view (going to a foreign camp and staying a week, eating their food - all of which you have to deal with no matter how awful any of it is)

Even the health department says we have top-quality kitchen-ness. "The best in Surry," said Robert L., Margret Stone, and Stan I. of the health dept. over the past 3 years. Schyah.

So for real. That midnight volleyball game was beast. Though it would be way way way better if we had overhead lights, it just shows how truly talented we all are (yes, all 14 of us playing..) Next time we need to play with a few less.. maybe a 4v4 or 5v5 but not 7v7: theres just NOT enough space for everyone to know where their boundaries are and where they are expected to return a ball from. Now Heather's got me all into volleyball again.. well, I was way into playing at the beginning of the summer and still am (and maybe it has only been a few days since the last time we had an organized game.. this work week puts everything into a different perspective *nar-nar*) Who's up for some game play this coming week? I think it'll have to be in the afternoon, like after 7. Sunset is around 8:30, so we'd get some good game till about quarter to nine.

Week of June 14th

These past few days have been very good. I haven't had much of a voice, I haven't been very conscious, and I've been tired a lot. The things I like in this are those very things. I told mom today that I could do 'this' every day and be just fine. I like having work most every day. I hate not being needed. I hate working only on weekends. I feel so much difference when I actually do something for someone else every day. Even if it all involves money, when I see these kids and their leaders, I am encouraged to keep going and to do better; no, to be the best I can at ever instance that I come face to face with them. The Center is nice, but the amount of people there is minimal. I am a people person. I love meeting new people, and I love DOING and BEING and TALKING with people, not just meeting maybe on person a day, and them ONLY being there to get some coffee and then head on. Don't get me wrong, I love meeting people there too, but this is like the difference between going skiing at Massunutten vs. the Alps.

I've been working with some of the best people on the planet this week. Each of them different and good in their own way. Pretty much all family by now. I like that. Family.

Now I sneak up to the Center at night to get money(s) and write a blog, New Harvest to play some drummage (no offense to the kid playing at the camp this week, cause he's like 10, but he needs to grow some balls) to fill my urges that I have all week from listening to said kid. And now I need to finish my drum cage even sooner so I can play some of these new songs the way I want, and not the 'small church - loud drums' way.

Ah.. family.. I miss you so..

Naw but, it was an edifying experience

Boy was today different. Center 9-12. This guy came in (and I apologize for thinking you were a hair dresser, I was just led to think that by the way you and Mary conversed....) and wanted a couple drinks. A large americano and (what took much deliberation) a large chai latte, WITH espresso and sugar-free vanilla. Oh, BTW, it was to be, and I quote, "Surface of the Sun, hot" (for which we then googled the temperature of the sun's surface). I love that guy.

I missed the paninis today. Sorry..

Practice for worship was interesting. We played musical musicians with Marcia, never really having everyone there at the same time. But I got to learn a new song, which is fun but way hard to figure out (if it means anything to you, it's in 4/4, but the first line of the corus is 3/4, second line back to 4/4. It sounds great but HARD to make my arms do such)

Off to the bank (where, for the first time in almost 2 years, they asked if I had an account with them [WTF??]) and I cashed the check from work (thank the Lord, Marcia came to the church with my check) which I put in my book, to be discovered later at work while taking a break with Mr. T.

So work at Eastover goes pretty typical. I sliced roast (the best tasting roast beef in the world). I take one for the team and eat the pieces that aren't good enough to be served. The thing with that slicer is (haha... just remembered, "OMG THERES A HAM ON THAT SLICER!!") is the incredible amount of work that goes into slicing ANY amount of ANY thing. First is the setup. Then the slice. Then the meat layout. Then the meat wrapping. Then the clean up. Which takes way too long..

So the meal works. Then we serve. Kids first (6) then the adults (CREDO military people) and in the middle of this serving the adults thing, mom leaves to start cleaning up. I notice a man come in with a yarmulke. I began thinking that whatever we had was not good enough for him... and I was kind of right. He said that he needed to speak to the person in charge of food. 'ello me! I then went on a very long tour of our kitchen with this guy (and I can not remember his name for anything... I'm not sure he even said it..?) We viewed all the items we had and discussed cooking methods: this man eats kosher. Alas, we developed a very good set of foods for him. There are more kosher things than expected. If you have gotten this far and don't understand what I'm talking about, either google kosher or deal with this very brief explanation. In Jewish tradition, certain foods are not allowed to be eaten. Certain preparation methods are not allowed. These would include some meats (pork, sea food, some fish) and cutting/cooking (nothing can be cooked in a dish that has been used for cooking non-kosher foods before) Basically, the most raw essence of a food is maintained for consumption. Also, in order for food to be kosher, it must be made so by an ordained Jewish Rabbi, or a rabbinical organization (which still has rabbis, it's just easier to get the kosher symbolism on the foods). So, yes, this was a very good night for learning and helping this guy to not starve. I now have to work a 7-7 in order to over-see the whole kitchen's preparation methods and utensil usage (the deal being the dishes and utensils must be washed thoroughly, and used no less than 24 hours after cleaning)

End of the blog on a high note: Haddie is in the other room talking to her stuffed turtle (a LOT) and Sarah keeps hitting her elbow on the cash register button. Hehe, hoho, hehe, haha, ho

Who is I?

I was reading an incredibly fun book yesterday. It is mostly a grammar book, but was much more intriguing than any grammar book I've ever seen. The writer was really good at making crazy sentences that modeled other phrases but carried so much of a different meaning because of the specific words used.

OMG. Last night, we encountered a road block. Let me back track...
Last night, after leaving the Center, I went to meet up with Heather, Ethan and Heidi in New Town. After a frustrating commute to New Town, I spent some time in Barnes and Noble (M. C. Escher book for $10 [Walkin up the stairs, and walkin down the stairs, and walkin up the sideways stairs]) to clear my head and lighten my mood. Then searched Old Navy for people I knew, and I knew noone there (but did get to listen to some jammin music) I called Heather, and got directions to her and Heidi, then FINALLY found Ethan (who ventured to the Chocolate shop to steal something but wasn't successful) 5 Guys Burgers and Fries was our next stop. Mondo huge amount of food and I was full. I felt good though, adding to the work load of the extremely bored employees. JC Penny was open till 9, and we got there at 8:52. Ultra fast shop for some clothes and flip-flops (which BTW, JC Penny is NOT designed for men at all, including men being comfortable walking through ANY part of the store...) They locked us in and kinda made an evil grin when we tried to leave and the door wouldn't open. We officially missed the 9:30 boat, so we were gonna just go to 7-11 for drinks after getting my truck from New Town. Well, somewhere in front of Kingway was a huge traffic stop (right in front of that new shopping center thats going up) The only thing I frowned on it for was the lack of explanation for it, and that they gave no detour route, but forced us to turn around on 199. Now, we being the smart people that we are, knew where to go. But think of those less fortunate. SUCK. I have no idea what happened there last night, but it wasn't funny...

I don't think all that much new stuff is happening this week. Kinda slow.. till the weekend. Then it's non-stop work till the middle of August. Money

Reality = Wild

Or does it?

Sarah made an interesting statement today.

"I want there to be more culture in the church... Theres not much [compelling] to the normal service... except communion."

We need to be raw. We need to be free. We need to start acting like the family that we are, and being the body that resembles a family. How's that too much to ask?

The church is it's own culture. Walk in the doors, and you know right away it's a different place than the rest of your world. In my opinion, much of it needs to be that way, but some of it needs to change. Holding onto specifics for the sake of retaining the expected 'church-ness', when it conflicts with meeting the needs of the community or driving away the people that already question the church, is a bad bad move.

Relevancy is a new important word among Christians on the forefront. Is what you do relevant to the culture around you?

Lets put it this way: You can have the most amazing hamburgers in the world at your burger joint. But move onto Buger St. Maryland, where there are tons of other really well done burger joints, and you have no purpose. Most likely you will fail within a few months.

Compare this to something a little closer to relevancy involving religion.

Imagine the particular church body is situated in a community with demographics of older white men. The duties of this church would be mostly directed to older white men.

But say you move that church into a community of young black men.

Conflict.

It's a matter of relevance.

So in our case, is it that the church not directed at the community?
Is there a way to better the effect on the community?

Taboo

A couple of things on my mind:

Drum prices
Men (in reference to participation in Christianity)
Nail polish
Japan
Solidifying faith (books etc..)
Men (in reference to being testosterone-driven human beings)

Drum Prices
It's ridiculous when the cost of a small accessory costs more than one can afford with a single paycheck. Not that there aren't some random good deals available, but the majority (or MSRP) of instruments cost way more than I understand. I need to get a grant to add to my set, sheesh. I would like to add a few pieces, including a double bass, second hi-hat (compliments the double bass), some small splash cymbals, crash/ride cymbal that sounds [better] than my current, and a sound wall (probably will build that myself soon) so I can play louder at church and not 'disturb' people.

Men pt. 1
Had a bit of discussion and prayer, etc.. tonight about men not being as involved in churches as women are (the ratio stands around 60/40 with men being the 40) and there is some research that shows how when men are actively involved with a church, the church is many times more likely to have a flourishing existence, while the absence of men promotes church death. Well, we have a large amount of women at our church. Most men see churches as the place where old women go. I even see the clash between my grandmother and I when it comes to music (I'm obviously more boisterous-minded being on the drums, but I like the action of faster songs or at least more intensity, where as she prefers the lighter stuff ***NOT THAT WE HAVE PROBLEMS WITH THE OTHER, WE JUST HAVE PREFERENCES***) So men are more... physical; energetic; extreme; flamboyant; etc.. It's part of us. It's how we are made. Men are made to be strong and hefty, not dainty pew sitters.

Nail Polish
Officially a taboo thing for me. I wore black nail polish on one finger for one day and was asked more than 20 times what I had on my finger and why I would choose to do such a thing (even one was [jokingly] asking if I was gay now. No, I am not) Part of the interview with Mike Toupin had him explaining the cultural differences between America and most 3rd world Indian or African nations. He also covered some different peoples we have in America: Goth, prep, and all in between. The idea with the other countries is to not invade with the idea that 'my way [or our American way] is the right way'. Same goes with the sects in America. Upon encountering a Gothic teen, it would be of extensible rudeness to affront him/her with a demeaning statement like, "Why do you have to wear those things?" Truth be told, if I in fact decided to become of Gothic persuasion, I would highly disrespect anyone's comments of how strange it is. The matter is, again, not to judge. Work with people where they are. LEARN what they do and like, and respect them for their personal convictions. Love them. Encourage them to love others and serve others.

Japan
Sarah prayed for me tonight. I can't remember the whole thing, but it covered my intended trip to Japan. To be honest, I am very excited about going, yet also very nervous. Lately I have been very interested in doing new things and learning as much as I can on just about everything I can. I am taking the advice of Mike and attempting to learn Japanese. I am studying the culture, the history, the government, the geographics, the demographics, and the religions. I am absolutely fascinated with learning at this point (especially if it is exceptional insight from someone very wise on the topic). It makes me wonder about my purpose for these desires: to travel to the other side of the world, completely opposite of my whole life thus far; to learn EVERYTHING; to want to interact with people I don't know; to experience a change in life; to experience something other than what I've known since birth. Why would I have these desires, this drive, if I wasn't in some way destined to be apart of it?

Solidifying Faith
I've been reading Angels & Demons (bought it yesterday, almost done with it now..) The thing with most of what Dan Brown writes is its racy religious statements. I actually highly anticipate to hear his view and see his reasons. I look forward to hearing another side of the story. I like having my faith challenged. I like that there is a real opposition, not just an infinitesimal challenger we create to keep people in the church. He brings out some taboo ideas [taboo to the Christian church] and I greatly respect that. And not only that, but he writes with such amazing brilliance and talent, injecting history and fiction all in one, creating a wonderful world and intriguing story.

Men pt. 2
I really enjoy being physical. I love being rough with the guys, wrestling in the water, sports, racing, loud music, food, etc.. [I wanted to add women to that list, but I think it would have come misunderstood.. with more chivalry than the average male, I like women too ;D] Anything to show the strength of being manly (and impress the ladies) is an awesome time. Now that Joel is on a boat (motha f*****) it seems there might be slightly less of that... though I have succeeded in being a small addition to the Bacon's Castle society. We might be having a sport day after church this coming Sunday (which btw I get to lead *smack* - doing the interviews of all the local peoples)

I'm hungry now. Taco Salad??

My last cigarette...

I think I like when Christians are Christian instead of church-people. "Church is for people who like church, just like a moose or elk lodge is for people who like lodges"
I also like when people aren't extreme with their use of profanity, but don't talk in the completely sheltered vocabulary range of goody-Christians.

So if you aren't going to be at New Harvest (or weren't at New Harvest) on Sunday June 7th, then I'll just tell you that the guy who we videoed is cool because he says cuss words. Not that he was any good at it, but it was way funny and very down-to-earth. He told a story about this man (if you know the name of the man, please remind me: we stopped recording when this story was told) who went to a foreign country and was approached by two very young (12-13 years old) girls who offered to do anything he wanted all night long for $10. He almost walked away, but instead clarified, "Anything?" to which they affirmed. He invited them to his room, and gave them $10, and sat them down on the sofa to watch Disney movies all night. The man (while personally telling the story) said something like, "What the fuck am I doing?" and then stopped, having made this exclamation in a crowd of.. ahem.. 'holy people'.. and made this second statement, "You are more concerned with the fact that I used profanity in my story telling than you are for the two girls who will, for many years if not the rest of their lives, live on money received from prostitution."

Another instance where that kind of point was made was at a youth conference (probably Acquire the Fire) in which a very fun black lady told us all about different sexual things. When she inevitably told a statistic about how many men get and STD on their penis, she stopped and made the same statement about how we care more about what word she used than the outrageous amount of STD trafficking.

There are some things that are more important in the world than being a perfect saint. Its one thing to abstain from immoral actions, but when it makes relating to people who don't share the same qualities an awkward thing, it's time to adapt. I may not cuss, drink, smoke, dope up, sleep around, etc.. but I won't make my interactions with those who DO be negative. It's just not worth a bad example of Jesus to obnoxiously follow rules.
What I'm saying is this: Don't wince when someone blasts vulgarity; Don't scowl when people confess to 'naughty' things; Don't judge others. It's not your place

OMGWTFBBQZ

I was looking at the books on the shelf at the Center the other day and spied one titled "The Revolution | A Field Manual for Changing Your World". Curious, I opened to see what it was about, synchronously asking Jason what it was about. He had never read it, and I proceeded to discover that it is a collection of several essay-like stories and articles about controversial issues the world over. By controversial, I mean that the chapters are titled,
"1) Clean Water
2) Gang Violence
3) Women's Rights
4) Fair Trade
5) Hunger
6) HIV/AIDS
7) Capital Punishment
8) War and Peace
9) Torture
10) The Environment
11) Human Trafficking and
12) Poverty".
So, as I was flipping through this book, I saw a quote placed at the beginning of the first chapter.

A pessimist, they say, sees a glass of water as being half empty; An optimist sees the same glass as half full. But a giving person sees a glass of water and starts looking for someone who might be thirsty" - G. Donald Gale

I would like to add that a giving person has already found a thirsty person before happening upon said glass.

Something from this morning at the Center:
"As I write, I see Bruce walking away from the Center, with his own special beat that drives his steps and posture. He is going to take care of some business and will be back soon. I love him. He entered this morning in a very subtle voice and pose, exclaiming a 'good morning' as he took a seat on the couch opposite me. An up-beat song serenaded the room, adding to his pep. He asked about my book, and listened intently as I described it. From that point until his harbinger of leave, he sat in content and joy, smiling and bouncing in time to the music. A quick look in the mirror, as is custom for him, showed his hat, a new white brim, correctly centered on his head. His upper raiment, a royal blue T-shirt, read 'COLLEGE' in box-like text. Enigma consumes the need and desire to be with and encourage Bruce. 'Love. For that is the greatest'"

The Tide Began to Rise

I learned a few things today. I also was greatly inspired. We met with Mike Toupin (he works with all these different companies to translate the text in the Bible into an understandable written language in places where there is either A) no written language B) has no copy of a Bible, period) I think some of the things that have happened to him and around him are absolutely amazing. He told a story about being adopted into the family of the oldest man in the village. He was literally the oldest man in the whole ethnic group. Something like 30,000 people. He had 6 wives (polygamists, there) and 25 children, over 100 grand children. He was too old to have any more kids, and so he named Mike "God loves me" (in his native language) and therefore adopted Mike and his wife and three kids to be his own. They all received special names, which he was able to use (the names) to explain the concept of Christ and God [the gospel of Christ] to many many people there. See, the interesting thing is that in most ethnic (or diverse language sects) groups, they have no actual concept of some things we validate easily (such as 'faith' or 'priest' - they had to create whole new ideas for them) However, most of these peoples have slight adaptations of Christ-like attributes in their histories and cultures. So in a way, one can relate Christ to a concept that they already understand, but he also warned against blindly teaching things (in one place, the closest word for 'priest' was the word that Islamic people use, and therefore would have caused a misunderstanding if used to describe Christ, or another of Christianity's priests - so they used what they knew from their version of priests [who intercede and sacrifice to ancestors] by saying that a 'priest' sacrifices to God himself on our behalf)

This talk made it easier to relate my desire to go to Japan, etc.. and how there are many more obstacles than I perceived; none of which are impossible to overcome. He mentioned that it take about 3 years to completely learn a language and culture (by 'completely' I mean 'speak it well enough that they don't smile and think "He's trying..."') I find it really hard to express the excitement I have when thinking about being involved with other cultures. The unity is off the charts, and the experiences are immeasurable.

To take something from this, he said you must be on two pillars: 1) flexibility and 2) being a learner.
You have to be flexible, bend from your norm (because other cultures are not always similar to yours)
Learn the culture / language: it's the biggest, most effective way to say I LOVE YOU

Music: Makes the people: Come together: Yeah

I've been working on my drum skyls lately. Its funny how much muscle you build from playing drums. We went to the Wiedel's house after the Steam and Gas Engine worship, and ate FOOD and played in the river. I'm finding it to be more and more enjoyable to be with people. While on the beach, someone kicked a soccer ball out in the water, and from then on it was a 'monkey-in-the-middle' style game of running and shoving and grabbing at the ball, while in the water. Then the men had wrestling competitions, which uses way more muscles than you knew existed. Joel took the sailboat out, which was pretty fun (and for the official record, we flipped the boat on purpose). I expect to wake up sore from all these ventures, but I never do. I'm not complaining. However, I do notice the sluggy responses from my arms, and when I try to do fast rolls on the drums it hurts, if not is impossible. So what do we learn from this? Repetition.

Jason and I are going to interview a man from Williamsburg about being a missionary. It has to do with a coming Sunday morning in which we'll be interviewing some local people about Christianity and such. But this guy can't make a live interview on Sunday, so we go to him.

I picked some strawberries at Sarah's house last night. I got 7 of them, and they were all very small, save one that could pass as a decent strawberry. I like walking out there in the open field. It's interesting how much of that property is hidden away and peaceful. I find it to be a blessing to be located in a town that has the option of being peaceful. So if you ever want to go for a walk in the woods, I'm in.

"Oh, voiceless; wasted: You've soaked your heart in gasoline, now light it up and burn"

"The scene is begging for a prayer tonight, it always will"

I've been thinking about 'begging' lately. I'm not sure why. It seems a concept we aren't used to in America. I mean, the idea of being on your knees and asking for something isn't too hard to fathom, but the thought of actually doing it is kinda cheesy. So what exactly would you be willing to get down low and cry, rage over? In places less fortunate, begging for life, mercy, release, justice, etc.. isn't a rare thing: it's a daily thing. So to me, begging reminds of a point of poverty, failure, captivity, slavery, etc.. NOTHING good. I think it would be good to experience a time where begging is necessary.

One other thought lately is about unity, or community. Socialism.
I LOVE (remember about how I only use love when referring to intimacy) getting with other people to eat, play music, play games, talk, socialize. It drives me (similarly to the way music drives me)

One final thought is about suicide. I find it amazing how the rate of suicide went up since the 'stock market doom of 09' - Japan is now at 100 a day. I can't even imagine why one would loathe anything so much as to take the aggression out on himself. I am not (or have not, rather) been immune to the ideas of committing suicide, but never to the point of acting on it (I weigh all options anyway, but rarely act on any of them; I like to know every angle of every thing) So for those of you plotting, please don't, cause it makes me sad.

Something we were talking about a while back was the way we relate to people. One of those ways is through failures. So I encourage you to express said failures, for 2 results are becoming of release: Connectivity and Relaxation.

Refreshing

I had a neat time with my grand mother this morning. We had talked a bit on Sunday night about writing music together, something I have been trying to work out since the end of the semester. We talked a lot about music and differences in generations. And I got to eat lots of Swedish Pancakes.
-I'll make a note now that I anticipated an unspoken understanding, and that was a bad assumption. I want to write music that is NOT worship; NOT for Christian people. I think people take that as "Sam doesn't want to be a safe, good Christian and stick to the safe places" and thats almost it exactly. Art made a comment the other day that almost sounded like an excuse to not be involved with the *sinners* of the world, something to the effect of "if you hang out with bad people, you will turn into a bad person." In a way, he's right. But he is also way wrong. He did redeem himself after that by saying that we have to be anchored to Christ before being involved with others. Meh, I say. I'll also note that I hate "Christian Phrases" and therefore go to great lengths to keep from saying them.
So I don't like getting stuck in the "Christian Book Store" and using the "Christian Dictionary" as a guide for my vocabulary.-

I began reading the book "Wild Goose Chase" by Mark Batterson. I found my purpose in life: Nomad! I don't want to stay in one place too long.

I want to live dangerously. I want to be in the fray. I want to have hard times and work through them. I want to have a purpose beyond being part of a club and getting more people to join said club.

I will make people feel uncomfortable. It's time things were shaken.