We all need some understanding: We all need love

"...Millions of faces
Are looking for movement
'Cause everything's stuck
And everything's frozen
And everyone's broken
And nobody moves
And everyone's scared
That the motion will never come

This is the incompletion
Stuck in a line

Love is the movement
Love is a revolution
This is redemption
We don't have to slow back down

The stars are alive
They dance to the music
Of the deepest emotion
And all of the world
Is singing in time
As the heavens are caving in
Mysterious ways
How God gave his life
To put motion inside my soul

It's bigger than cold religion
It's bigger than life

This is a revolution

Get up, get up
Love is moving you now "
_Switchfoot: Love is the Movement_



"Do me a favor
Would you tell me when to let go?
'Cause I think I'm holding on

Do me a favor
Would you tell me which way is up?
'Cause I don't know where I fit

Would you do it for me?
'Cause I'm playing for keeps

Tell me tomorrow has come
With open arms
If you say it's time to move on
Then I'll stop holding on
If you say that it's time for moving on
Time for moving on"
_Switchfoot: Playing for Keeps_

"This is your life
Are you who you want to be
This is your life
Is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger
And you had everything to lose
You had everything to lose"
_Switchfoot: This is Your Life_

I think some of this touches how I feel toward the church. Yeah yeah, I know its vague, but like any series of words, someone somewhere gets hit with the emotion and the words served their purpose. I don't ever cry because I'm a heartless bastard. Naw but, I just don't get all emotional cause I have an analytical brain and everything just simply is, no strings. Lately though I've actually found some material capable of pulling my heartstrings.

Apparently God is perfect love.
As a Christian, one should epitomize that quality.

Love has never been easy for me to understand. It may be the way that America has tainted it, maybe the way that I've experienced things disguised as love that let down, maybe just my unwillingness to accept that I'm no different than anyone else.
So the concept of love has little meaning to me in the way that most people view it. If I come out of my life and into something new, I'll see the way to love as I do it now; but the current definition is not applicable to me. Is that for everyone? To write their own definition of love?
If love is the movement, then I can feel it and know it's there. Thats where I want to be. [I'm thinking of action, not standing still, not being static; going somewhere, being with people, making a change for the better in the world around me; stirring up the situation, adding excitement, being involved with advancements, building on our future, moving from the past that haunts and hurts and hinders]

"This is the moment that we all live for: are you ready?"

BTW. m.facebook.com is faster

I talked with Aaron Nickerson yesterday at Busch. He mentioned how, in Christianity, the focus has [in a bad way] shifted to salvation |whether you will get into Heaven or not| instead of the important things still to be done/ things in the current time frame, not the "some day in the future" frame. Most of the aspects to Christianity have shifted that way as well, even the outreach/ministry. What happened to "The Kingdom of God is at hand.."?

I also believe the church in America is too inward focused. There are too many issues between Christians that prevent us from 1) having a relationship with God and 2) sharing the love of God with others. If you can't even love a neighbor, how could you possibly love an enemy?

So I was thinking: What really constitutes salvation?
[In Islam, no one can avoid hellfire, but depending on how little they sin and how many good deeds they do they can lessen the time spent paying for their sins. An interesting point is that any reference to entering Heaven includes 2 requirements: belief in Allah (God) and doing good deeds.]
Is a deathbed confession and change of heart really enough to forgive a life of NOT serving God?
How do you figure the differences between 'service to humanity' and 'service to humanity for God'

I don't think God would have made it so complicated. So why are we making it so complicated?

The Shadow Proves The Sunshine

Its amazing how dark of a time it is lately. Several people that are dear seem to be in an eclipse.. only it's one of those things that you don't understand, so you don't have the joy of seeing the rarity of the eclipse, but rather have the fear of never seeing the sun again. "..and you say that you don't want to see the sun anymore" _Paramore_

I know how easy it is to look back on a dark time and see just how much you overcame, but when you're in the pain and darkness, it's nothing but crap. "When the burden seems to much to bare, remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there" _Relient K_

Something I learned is that it is better to take a break and avoid completely losing [it]. In this time, it might be good to pull that philosophy out of our bag. In all honesty, leaving the church could be the worst thing for the church, while the best for us. That makes quite a dilemma for us. Drastic moves would be disastrous, but it seems like the only thing we are willing to do. I would say, "Any progress is better than none" as much as I will be hurting to move faster..

"We are crooked souls trying to stay up straight.. the shadow proves the sunshine"

Something to do with 'Arpeggio'?

I've been investigating some things lately. "Secret: Agent man!" Got a copy of the Koran (and for the record, I love taboo, yet again) which turned out to be like the King James version of the Bible (basically: the suck if you have no teacher, just reading straight forward). I've been going through it marking verses that stand out to me. I find it interesting how, compared to Christian principles and the Bible, it's very similar except for some minor details which make a huge difference, and thus seriously inspire the 2 separate religious movements.

I've been working a lot lately, which has led to a lack in sharing my thoughts in blog form. Sometimes in life it's just better to talk to people instead of write everything. You get feedback much faster and it becomes a conversation rather than a lecture or article. The good thing about working is that I feel like I have a purpose in life, or at least make myself useful in some way. The paycheck is also on the positive side.

I recently purchased a bunch of movies, mostly ones that no one else had or no one else cared to have, or no one would ever buy but they were cheap. I would say my most enjoyed from the lot was Apocalypto. After watching Sweeny Todd, it wasn't nearly as gruesome. There's also these elements of 'I'm ready to kick some ass!' in there, so it's pretty awesome.

Making coffee has been fun. We recently got a new blend at work (an amazing upgrade, as the previous blend has been there for the past 6 years and never changed and it was probably the second to worst official coffee ever) and it's not too bad. I like iced coffee, and mine turns out at 1.4x strength of regular coffee (I'm really used to quad-iced drinks, so this is actually weak..) Jason also aided me in getting some vanilla syrup, so now my arsenal is complete! *lightning* *maniacal laughter*
I like me some coffee..

I also decided that for my 21st birthday I will become a beer connoisseur. I already have zero tolerance for beer in any form, so if I can find one that I can stand, that will officially be the beer. I think I am more of a fruity, sweet guy anyway, so more than likely I will not find a good beer.

I feel the need to address relationship statuses. I am not interested in anyone, just to be clear. I don't want to roll that way, and I want to preserve the family aspect for as long as possible. Sarah had said, "If you want to be like Paul (a guy in the Bible) you won't be getting married; neither did Jesus" - so in that respect, if I decided to be 100% devoted to the cause of Jesus, I more than likely wouldn't marry anyway. So if you have heard through any 'grapevines' lately, you've heard wrong.

Watching "Blood Diamond" tonight at the Center. We had to edit it down some for content and length. I prefer the full movie (as I do with any movie).

Déjà vu?

I feel slightly like I am back in the same place I was about a year or two ago. I have this incredible sense of adventure.. I also feel like I am forced to decide among many uncertain choices that will shape my life for a while. Obviously college is a butt no matter what, especially the financial aspect of things. I am not one for taking loans, and it seems that's the way things go these days.

One of the other concerns I have is the lack of guidance. I didn't get the 'pick your classes' experience that they give in high school, so I am still expecting to see a pretty well defined path to take, but it's like everyone wants to pass the buck and not make an executive decision for me. I enjoy having options, but sometimes it's just much easier to say 'yes sir' and go to class. I'm sure if I understood the system it wouldn't be so hard. And I'm sure the system isn't all that complicated. This is what happens when you have someone willing to learn but no one to lead.

And don't take any of this as blowing off your ideas if you've ever advised me. I just want to see all the options, not just the ones you have experience with.

You could say I am uncomfortable, and when I am uncomfortable, I typically dive right in and try to get as involved as possible so I can be comfortable. It didn't work with the college thing, and now I feel like an idiot, and am still uncomfortable with it. *INAPPROPRIATE MOMENT ALERT* It's like having sex for the first time and getting it wrong. Only one person knows it didn't work, and you don't feel successful at all. For a man, thats a blow to the nads.

I have the opportunity to attend Pensacola Christian College this fall and next spring. I might capitalize on that offer. I could use the distance from what I know; from what I've known since birth. I talked with Jackson V the other day and he was such an inspiration to my desires to not stay home forever. I mentioned how I am a home-body, and he replied, "So was I, until I left." I look forward to actually getting away for a while. I haven't been many miles from home for more than a day in over 3 years. That says to me, "Get out, you buffoon." Thanks, Jack :)

Real, broken *yeah* Rendered useless *yeah*

I recently discovered some very cool things were possible with my phone. And the internet.

Google has all kinds of things set up for usage in multiple places (just see their list of apps). I think it is absolutely wonderful. The current amazement I am held to is the calendar. I now have it set up to sync my calendar on my phone with the calendar on the internet (which is tied to my email account on gmail) so that if I add an event or function to my calendar in either place, I can see it in either place almost instantly. So fun..
The other thing that sparked my interest (a while ago) was the online office tools (Google Documents). That is set up so that I can create pretty much anything I can think of that deals with word and data processing, then access that from any computer. Pure awesomeness.

So I for real have some insane bug bites on my legs. More like ankles. At first I was thinking they came from playing volleyball (I mean who wouldn't; they showed up the morning after playing) but when I found out that most everyone there was playing without socks, and I had on socks and long pants, it seemed less likely. Lo and behold, my dad also has the same bugs. I look back on my life in the past few days (/life-review) and think of all the times I was with my dad that could have possibly ended with small insect-like vermin deposited on my ankles. We concluded it came from the area where we put in the new signs at Eastover (I seriously took 10 minutes out of my kitchen job that day to hold some wood while he put in screws, and I get mug-a-bugs) They itch like a mother.

I had gone to the church tonight to play some drums, not really sure if anyone would be there, but thought I would see before coming to the Center for a bit of work and blogging. Shortly after playing, the pastor and wife enter to pray for a while. So I was like, "Theres my ride" and took the stools with me (yeah.. we left those 4 stools from the Center at the church for a week)

I put my music mix on the 'rock' genre and wanted to hear some old Showbread. That CD was actually pretty good. So mid-everything, I go to make a cream soda and then it happened (OMG!!) Naw but, I did make a huge mess. I've been wondering about the Half-and-Half-mixing-with-seltzer-water-and-ice thing for a while. It seems that the 1/2 and 1/2 separates, which looks funny if you are drinking from a clear glass (which I do to save on the cups) The actual quality and flavor don't change one bit. So this is just one of my many experimental things, seeing if the order in which things are added to the drink affects the outcome of the 1/2 and 1/2. I add the syrup, one ice cube (I'm not one for much ice..) and the seltzer (I don't think we officially call it seltzer, but 'club soda' sounds dumber, cause only people in the 'Club for Idiots' would drink plain club soda..) Once the fizz settled a bit, I added the 1/2 and 1/2 (that I had shaken slightly [another measure taken in my experiment tonight]) and everything seemed fine. I turned around to put everything away, and when I looked back upon my masterpiece, it had erupted everywhere like diet coke and Mentos, or baking soda and vinegar. Talk about irritating..

Sometimes being the best just happens

We get so many compliments at Eastover during the meal times. And no joke, we run everywhere like crazy during the serving time (well, those who aren't serving are running) to make sure that every thing that is needed is taken care of. And it really does pay off. The group that was here this week left a letter of gratitude along with tons of people wanting to come back next year. Thousands of times this week I would here "Thank you so much! You guys are amazing" and it really does make you feel good. I can't really imagine it from their point of view (going to a foreign camp and staying a week, eating their food - all of which you have to deal with no matter how awful any of it is)

Even the health department says we have top-quality kitchen-ness. "The best in Surry," said Robert L., Margret Stone, and Stan I. of the health dept. over the past 3 years. Schyah.

So for real. That midnight volleyball game was beast. Though it would be way way way better if we had overhead lights, it just shows how truly talented we all are (yes, all 14 of us playing..) Next time we need to play with a few less.. maybe a 4v4 or 5v5 but not 7v7: theres just NOT enough space for everyone to know where their boundaries are and where they are expected to return a ball from. Now Heather's got me all into volleyball again.. well, I was way into playing at the beginning of the summer and still am (and maybe it has only been a few days since the last time we had an organized game.. this work week puts everything into a different perspective *nar-nar*) Who's up for some game play this coming week? I think it'll have to be in the afternoon, like after 7. Sunset is around 8:30, so we'd get some good game till about quarter to nine.