Have I told you my story about how I got some peanut butter? Well oh em gee we have a tale here. So there I was in Target, just minding my own, looking at bikes with Haven, when suddenly this magical aisle appeared and on it was glorious quantities of food! I was shocked at the bundled goodies, when I noticed a duo-pack of Jif EXTRA CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER for the low value price of *clears throat*. I couldn't pass it up! I'm not at the Center eating this delicious morsel in between two slices of bread.
Once in my life, I was absolutely determined to get some extra crunchy peanut butter - to eat all by myself. I finally made it to a local wally-world and got a jar. Oh boy was I excited. On the way home I just simply couldn't wait to make a sandwich. We made something else for dinner, like pasta, so I had to wait till the next day to make my sandwich of miracles. So while eating dinner, we began to watch the local news. And what should come on besides a reporter covering the recall of peanut butter? They read the serial number range, and I promptly ran to my jar to find it was labeled with the afflicted numbers! Thus, tonight, I vowed not to watch TV until after eating at least one sandwich worth of my crunchy goodness.
Today I made progress on three jobs: an interview with Barnes and Nobel, an application and test for the census bureau, and an application for Sentera in Williamsburg. I feel I have made good progress. The census testing was pretty easy, but it took a LONG time..
My hands have been getting more and more cracked lately. This is typical of winter time. I asked Christy if she had any ancient Indian secret techniques to keep your hands from cracking WITHOUT the use of lotion, and she said no. But she did suggest not washing my hands. I happen to think that idea won't go well with the health inspector...
Lately one of the biggest investments I've been making is in this DVD that Mike and I are producing for the Ministry NOW! conference. I've been working on the same project for about a week now, and I keep finding things to do. I'm kinda getting dizzy and tired of it haha. But I think it will be well worth the effort and will look very nice. We found a good label for the disc (which is burned with Lightscribe so it's PERFECT), have a mostly-final case sleeve, and are probably 78% done with the DVD content.
Oh wow. Chocolate, peanut butter and mayonnaise. Simply phenomenal.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
_short post_ ".. I just need some time to lick my wounds"
Was reading in the book "Wild at Heart" (that's the guys one, by John Eldredge) that there's a wound that guys get and never want to address. I wanted you to read this part.
He goes on to say we build a 'false self' and live within that world instead of addressing our wounds. Some of the excuses were things like, "People like me now.. they wouldn't like who I really am."
Like he said, the tragedy isn't as tragic as how we deal with it. The way we cover up and hide from our pasts is damaging. The only way to heal from these wounds is to open up to the fact that they exist. And just like a physical wound, it will take time to heal. And just like a broken leg that needs to be re-broken because it set wrong, it will hurt to bring it up again.
So I leave you with this: What are the wounds you have left hidden under a guise? How long will you wait to deal with them, and start the healing process?
Contempt for the Wound
"Men are taught over and over when they are boys that a wound that hurts is shameful," notes Bly. "A wound that stops a man from continuing to play is a girlish wound. He who is truly a man keeps walking, dragging his guts behind." Like a man who's broken his leg in a marathon, he finishes the race even if he has to crawl and he doesn't say a word about it. That sort of misunderstanding is why for most of us, our wound is an immense source of shame. A man's not supposed to get hurt; he's certainly not supposed to let it really matter. We've seen too many movies where the good guy takes an arrow, just breaks it off, and keeps on fighting; or maybe he gets shot but is still able to leap across a canyon and get the bad guys. And so most men minimize their wound. "It's not a big deal. Lot's of people get hurt when they're young. I'm okay." Kind David (a guy who's hardly a pushover) doesn't act like that at all. "I am poor and needy," he confesses openly, "and my heart is wounded within me" (Ps. 109:22).
Or perhaps they'll admit it happened, but deny it was a wound because they deserve it. After many months of counseling together... I asked Dave a simple question: "What would it take to convince you that you are a man?" "Nothing," he said. "Nothing can convince me." We sat in silence as tears ran down my cheeks. "You've embraced the wound, haven't you, Dave? You've owned it's message as final. You think your father was right about you." "Yes," he said, without any sign of emotion at all. I went home and wept - for Dave, and for so many other men I know and for myself because I realized that I, too, had embraced my wound and ever since just tried to get on with life. Suck it up, as the saying goes. The only thing more tragic than the tragedy that happens to us is the way we handle it.
He goes on to say we build a 'false self' and live within that world instead of addressing our wounds. Some of the excuses were things like, "People like me now.. they wouldn't like who I really am."
Like he said, the tragedy isn't as tragic as how we deal with it. The way we cover up and hide from our pasts is damaging. The only way to heal from these wounds is to open up to the fact that they exist. And just like a physical wound, it will take time to heal. And just like a broken leg that needs to be re-broken because it set wrong, it will hurt to bring it up again.
So I leave you with this: What are the wounds you have left hidden under a guise? How long will you wait to deal with them, and start the healing process?
Friday, January 8, 2010
I like free money
I was gonna download a free album before writing this, but realized the internet usage was almost at our limit and a CD download would put us over. Curses, foiled again.
And another thing, the word 'realize' has a 'z', just like how it sounds. But my phone's word completion feature ALWAYS spells it with an 's'. They fail.
I was listening to a song today called "Dirty and Left Out" by the Almost. If you haven't heard it, go listen to it on Rhapsody or something. It's got such an aura of confession, humility, and repentance that is hard to get over. "I've been dirtier than you'd want to know," and he incorporates part of a hymn (Jesus, Jesus, There's something about your name, Master, Savior, Jesus). Good song.
The big part of my day was a computer job. Local guy. Turned out great cause I made a ton on it and he wants me to come back at 6-month intervals to do upkeep. He has quite a large number of animals. Even a little parrot that sits on his shoulder when he sits down. How awesome. A little dog and cat that play with each other (and when they fight it's pretty loud but way funny). Two pit bulls that have huge tongues and plenty of saliva to share.. They would sporadically come into the office where I was working and try to get in my lap. I really really like big dogs. Something about how looking into their eyes, you can see both an amazing love and care for you, but also the potential for terror. Simply amazing. I was gonna get Heidi a great dane for her birthday, but apparently she doesn't like them??? (The last Great Dane to hold the world record as tallest living dog was Gibson, who was 3½ feet (107 cm) tall at the withers and 7 feet 1 inch (215.9 cm) on his hind legs. [thats from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Dane] I WANT A BIG DOG :D :D )
Goodness me. Today's interest topic is on originality. I'ma be the first to complain that I'm not good at being creative (I can manipulate stuff, but just not good at original material) So maybe you're like me. The main point is to get involved with your inner artistic expressions. Try to write how you feel, draw something with ink, sculpt, act, have an expressive conversation with a good friend. How does it feel when someone else knows you better than yourself? I find that kinda hard and hurtful. I mean, I know who I am, right? So how can someone notice something about me that I haven't?
Get out of your comfort zone a little bit, and maybe do something you are afraid of. But in all of it, get down to who you are. Look at yourself and say, "Who have I become? What am I now?"
Does that measure what you hoped it would?
What kind of stuff is like, "oops..."?
How does it make you feel to see what you are, or feel what you are, on paper?
This kinda fits with my previous statement about writing in a journal. I still suggest that.
Let this be a time for you to get to some happiness. Maybe draw out your aggression or anger on paper and burn the art and let the anger go with it. Maybe creatively write a joyous melody to sing to someone. Give a thoughtful note to someone. Hug a friend just for the heck of it. Tell someone that you love them.
And have a smile :)
Let today be a happy day
And another thing, the word 'realize' has a 'z', just like how it sounds. But my phone's word completion feature ALWAYS spells it with an 's'. They fail.
I was listening to a song today called "Dirty and Left Out" by the Almost. If you haven't heard it, go listen to it on Rhapsody or something. It's got such an aura of confession, humility, and repentance that is hard to get over. "I've been dirtier than you'd want to know," and he incorporates part of a hymn (Jesus, Jesus, There's something about your name, Master, Savior, Jesus). Good song.
The big part of my day was a computer job. Local guy. Turned out great cause I made a ton on it and he wants me to come back at 6-month intervals to do upkeep. He has quite a large number of animals. Even a little parrot that sits on his shoulder when he sits down. How awesome. A little dog and cat that play with each other (and when they fight it's pretty loud but way funny). Two pit bulls that have huge tongues and plenty of saliva to share.. They would sporadically come into the office where I was working and try to get in my lap. I really really like big dogs. Something about how looking into their eyes, you can see both an amazing love and care for you, but also the potential for terror. Simply amazing. I was gonna get Heidi a great dane for her birthday, but apparently she doesn't like them??? (The last Great Dane to hold the world record as tallest living dog was Gibson, who was 3½ feet (107 cm) tall at the withers and 7 feet 1 inch (215.9 cm) on his hind legs. [thats from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Dane] I WANT A BIG DOG :D :D )
Goodness me. Today's interest topic is on originality. I'ma be the first to complain that I'm not good at being creative (I can manipulate stuff, but just not good at original material) So maybe you're like me. The main point is to get involved with your inner artistic expressions. Try to write how you feel, draw something with ink, sculpt, act, have an expressive conversation with a good friend. How does it feel when someone else knows you better than yourself? I find that kinda hard and hurtful. I mean, I know who I am, right? So how can someone notice something about me that I haven't?
Get out of your comfort zone a little bit, and maybe do something you are afraid of. But in all of it, get down to who you are. Look at yourself and say, "Who have I become? What am I now?"
Does that measure what you hoped it would?
What kind of stuff is like, "oops..."?
How does it make you feel to see what you are, or feel what you are, on paper?
This kinda fits with my previous statement about writing in a journal. I still suggest that.
Let this be a time for you to get to some happiness. Maybe draw out your aggression or anger on paper and burn the art and let the anger go with it. Maybe creatively write a joyous melody to sing to someone. Give a thoughtful note to someone. Hug a friend just for the heck of it. Tell someone that you love them.
And have a smile :)
Let today be a happy day
Thursday, January 7, 2010
A black cloud hangs over our house
Just heard "No Better" by Sherwood on the Center iPod. I think it speaks volumes to family relations. Talks about a divorce, or at least a separation. Its from the kid's perspective. "I should have seen it coming I guess, you sleeping out on the couch, you on your half of the bed." How terrible is that feeling?
Whether one party is right or wrong is beyond the point here. In "Captivating" Stasi talks about the disruption a separation can have on a girl's emotional status. It says that even she is not capable to keep the relationship good. It makes her feel valueless. These emotions cascade through her life, causing her problems all through life that are very difficult to fix. Again, if you haven't read it, and you're a woman, please do.
I recently got a new journal. I was simply happy that it was a bound collection of blank pages that was only $4 and looked cool. I never really had much value for a journal, but I've been trying to make use of it (oh, and if you want to know who I *giggles* like.. like, more than a friend.. hehe *giggles*). I would encourage everyone to write in one. Not so you can have your emotions out for everyone to see, but to help you see where you are, and where you were back when. Ever so often I'll peruse my old blogs and see what I was feeling that day, or what concerned my interest, or what I was afraid of. I can see how far I've grown (by both grammar and vocabulary usage AND topics covered) and it encourages me that maybe I'm not perfect now, but it doesn't mean I'm doomed to fail forever.
[I almost burned my head on a candle when trying to get this book] In fact, I just read this morning, "Now, part of a man's fundamental reluctance to truly dive into the world of a woman comes from a man's deepest fear, failure" She goes on to say that men want to help, but only to a certain point. Even in marriage or long-term relationships, there comes a point where they almost say, "I think this is far enough. I'm not going to leave you, so you should be happy with that."
I think it's time for men to really step up to their A-game. When God made the world (up to Adam) He noticed there was just one thing missing to top off creation. It was Eve, the woman in the picture. Such a vitally important part of life. She is not only the only way to reproduce humans, but she has 'Relationship Expert' written on her forehead and an emotional comprehension that men are glad they can't access (let's face it, it's too much for guys)
Let's start fighting for the women. Lets start complimenting them instead of being passive or rude. Treat them with respect and dignity and honor.
And women, accept the compliments. Who cares if you're hair isn't perfect? I thought it was just fine, so smile and be happy you are pretty. Don't abuse our respect and honor. You are lovely creatures, so act like it
Whether one party is right or wrong is beyond the point here. In "Captivating" Stasi talks about the disruption a separation can have on a girl's emotional status. It says that even she is not capable to keep the relationship good. It makes her feel valueless. These emotions cascade through her life, causing her problems all through life that are very difficult to fix. Again, if you haven't read it, and you're a woman, please do.
I recently got a new journal. I was simply happy that it was a bound collection of blank pages that was only $4 and looked cool. I never really had much value for a journal, but I've been trying to make use of it (oh, and if you want to know who I *giggles* like.. like, more than a friend.. hehe *giggles*). I would encourage everyone to write in one. Not so you can have your emotions out for everyone to see, but to help you see where you are, and where you were back when. Ever so often I'll peruse my old blogs and see what I was feeling that day, or what concerned my interest, or what I was afraid of. I can see how far I've grown (by both grammar and vocabulary usage AND topics covered) and it encourages me that maybe I'm not perfect now, but it doesn't mean I'm doomed to fail forever.
[I almost burned my head on a candle when trying to get this book] In fact, I just read this morning, "Now, part of a man's fundamental reluctance to truly dive into the world of a woman comes from a man's deepest fear, failure" She goes on to say that men want to help, but only to a certain point. Even in marriage or long-term relationships, there comes a point where they almost say, "I think this is far enough. I'm not going to leave you, so you should be happy with that."
I think it's time for men to really step up to their A-game. When God made the world (up to Adam) He noticed there was just one thing missing to top off creation. It was Eve, the woman in the picture. Such a vitally important part of life. She is not only the only way to reproduce humans, but she has 'Relationship Expert' written on her forehead and an emotional comprehension that men are glad they can't access (let's face it, it's too much for guys)
Let's start fighting for the women. Lets start complimenting them instead of being passive or rude. Treat them with respect and dignity and honor.
And women, accept the compliments. Who cares if you're hair isn't perfect? I thought it was just fine, so smile and be happy you are pretty. Don't abuse our respect and honor. You are lovely creatures, so act like it
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
_short post_ I never was good at advanced math, only the stuff that mattered
Not sure if you've ever tried to sing when your sick. It's kinda fun. You try to hit that note and its just not gonna happen.
Was going through the songs in my collection that need to be rated (yeah, I'm still not done with it and I started like, 4 months ago? I've added a ton since, too so I'm never gonna finish, but heck..) The one that was next was Israel Houghton. I don't exactly care to listen to much of that all the time, but I think it was rather good therapy. Soothing gospel-style melodies and just a free atmosphere presented in the recording.
And did I mention that Jesus would not live in this cold of a place?
In the course of reading this book (Captivating) I've been learning to appreciate some things about both men and women. If you haven't read it, I would suggest you do (especially if you're a woman. If you're a man, I'd say get Wild at Heart first, and then maybe you can read Captivating [might I add they are by John Eldredge, and Stasi Eldredge])
I posed the question, "What do you feel is the pinnacle, the summation, the goal of your life?" to someone the other day. I'd be interested in hearing from you (the reader) what you think. No wrong answers (but I might pick on you in later blogs! only kidding.. :P) - just add a comment and let me know what you think.
Some examples to prime your pump:
"I think when I have worked long enough and the government says I can retire, that will be the pinnacle of my life"
""I don't think you ever really reach a pinnacle until you die. You are always living, and always serving others until you die"
Was going through the songs in my collection that need to be rated (yeah, I'm still not done with it and I started like, 4 months ago? I've added a ton since, too so I'm never gonna finish, but heck..) The one that was next was Israel Houghton. I don't exactly care to listen to much of that all the time, but I think it was rather good therapy. Soothing gospel-style melodies and just a free atmosphere presented in the recording.
And did I mention that Jesus would not live in this cold of a place?
In the course of reading this book (Captivating) I've been learning to appreciate some things about both men and women. If you haven't read it, I would suggest you do (especially if you're a woman. If you're a man, I'd say get Wild at Heart first, and then maybe you can read Captivating [might I add they are by John Eldredge, and Stasi Eldredge])
I posed the question, "What do you feel is the pinnacle, the summation, the goal of your life?" to someone the other day. I'd be interested in hearing from you (the reader) what you think. No wrong answers (but I might pick on you in later blogs! only kidding.. :P) - just add a comment and let me know what you think.
Some examples to prime your pump:
"I think when I have worked long enough and the government says I can retire, that will be the pinnacle of my life"
""I don't think you ever really reach a pinnacle until you die. You are always living, and always serving others until you die"
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Death is a stranger with tricks up his sleeves
"No one's gonna find us here. They don't know to look; the rescue is comin"
The other day I was talking to this odious, foul, unfeeling man about our 'agree to disagree' pact on the whole Iraq war. Haha.. It funny cause we have same opinion. And then later that night Rob Bell said, "Can you think of anyone who's just been amazingly, beautifully made?.." and we rekindled our feelings and now are perfectly good friends again. *heart*
Today's order of business has been to successfully open and operate (yes, I spelled that right after 13 tries..) the Center for a few hours, set an appointment with a dude to fix his PC, and apply for as many jobs as I could. I also had time to txt people and read another chapter of "Captivating: Unveiling the Mysteries of a Woman's Soul." Don't judge me. You haven't read it and now you're jealous.
I've been getting 'word of the day's for a few weeks now, and I find them kinda funny (especially the ones from Oxford English Dictionary Online, cause it's mostly words we use everyday with the British usage defined) Today I added dictionary.com's w.o.t.d and also got to play a fun little game! They would give clues and you had to guess the word before your little cave man fell into the water (from guessing incorrectly or taking too long to guess) - which was totally bogus cause it would give clues like (7 letters) "Perspires; of mammals" and the answer is 'sweater' since we always use definitions like that. There was one really annoying one cause even when I saw the answer the clue still made no sense..
Anywho. I've been sick-ish lately. Woke up with a little gaggy throat action and kinda wore it off through the day. I think our house is dry (or at least my mom thinks our house is dry and I say whatever she says is cool)
-----MEAT-----
I had a good talk with dad the other day. I love that phrase "the other day" cause it can stand for any gap of time from then till now. Brilliant. But in our talk dad was instructing me how to appropriately apply for a job and nag them till they're eyes bleed and give you what you want or send you away. In most basic and honest sense: making yourself stand out of the crowd in the most professional way. It means a lot to me to hear his knowledge. He'll say things like, "Half of what I say you won't remember" or "You're probably thinking 'What does dad know?? He's only dad, it's not like he's a genius or anything..'" - It kinda hurts when he thinks that's how I think of him, but I also hurt a little when I find myself in the midst of trying to prove him wrong: to secretly unmask another way that maybe dad was holding out on, or maybe he never learned and I want to be better than him.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to 1-up your dad. What's wrong is circumvention of his will. Isn't it so obvious when you tell someone to do a certain thing and they come back exclaiming they 'accidentally discovered another way' that they never even trusted your first instruction enough to try it out once? That's how it is with dad. Obviously his way worked, so what's wrong with me keeping that as a backup plan in case my theoretically better way doesn't pan out? It's wrong, and I've been through it. Maybe there are some things my dad doesn't know, but it's not for me to test his authority.
I feel so good when I make dad proud. Like, this is my dad, and he's proud of me. Proud of me. Proud of something I did. He put his approval on my work. He condones my efforts. I've grown up, I'm becoming like him, I'm gonna be as awesome or more awesome than my dad, and he likes it.
I don't know how your relationship is with any of your parents, but LIVE IT UP. Make the most of it. No, they aren't just people you HAVE to deal with till you can move out. Be willing to brighten their day
The other day I was talking to this odious, foul, unfeeling man about our 'agree to disagree' pact on the whole Iraq war. Haha.. It funny cause we have same opinion. And then later that night Rob Bell said, "Can you think of anyone who's just been amazingly, beautifully made?.." and we rekindled our feelings and now are perfectly good friends again. *heart*
Today's order of business has been to successfully open and operate (yes, I spelled that right after 13 tries..) the Center for a few hours, set an appointment with a dude to fix his PC, and apply for as many jobs as I could. I also had time to txt people and read another chapter of "Captivating: Unveiling the Mysteries of a Woman's Soul." Don't judge me. You haven't read it and now you're jealous.
I've been getting 'word of the day's for a few weeks now, and I find them kinda funny (especially the ones from Oxford English Dictionary Online, cause it's mostly words we use everyday with the British usage defined) Today I added dictionary.com's w.o.t.d and also got to play a fun little game! They would give clues and you had to guess the word before your little cave man fell into the water (from guessing incorrectly or taking too long to guess) - which was totally bogus cause it would give clues like (7 letters) "Perspires; of mammals" and the answer is 'sweater' since we always use definitions like that. There was one really annoying one cause even when I saw the answer the clue still made no sense..
Anywho. I've been sick-ish lately. Woke up with a little gaggy throat action and kinda wore it off through the day. I think our house is dry (or at least my mom thinks our house is dry and I say whatever she says is cool)
-----MEAT-----
I had a good talk with dad the other day. I love that phrase "the other day" cause it can stand for any gap of time from then till now. Brilliant. But in our talk dad was instructing me how to appropriately apply for a job and nag them till they're eyes bleed and give you what you want or send you away. In most basic and honest sense: making yourself stand out of the crowd in the most professional way. It means a lot to me to hear his knowledge. He'll say things like, "Half of what I say you won't remember" or "You're probably thinking 'What does dad know?? He's only dad, it's not like he's a genius or anything..'" - It kinda hurts when he thinks that's how I think of him, but I also hurt a little when I find myself in the midst of trying to prove him wrong: to secretly unmask another way that maybe dad was holding out on, or maybe he never learned and I want to be better than him.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to 1-up your dad. What's wrong is circumvention of his will. Isn't it so obvious when you tell someone to do a certain thing and they come back exclaiming they 'accidentally discovered another way' that they never even trusted your first instruction enough to try it out once? That's how it is with dad. Obviously his way worked, so what's wrong with me keeping that as a backup plan in case my theoretically better way doesn't pan out? It's wrong, and I've been through it. Maybe there are some things my dad doesn't know, but it's not for me to test his authority.
I feel so good when I make dad proud. Like, this is my dad, and he's proud of me. Proud of me. Proud of something I did. He put his approval on my work. He condones my efforts. I've grown up, I'm becoming like him, I'm gonna be as awesome or more awesome than my dad, and he likes it.
I don't know how your relationship is with any of your parents, but LIVE IT UP. Make the most of it. No, they aren't just people you HAVE to deal with till you can move out. Be willing to brighten their day
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